Etiquette and Protocol

As the child of a Type-A woman whose DiSC profile would show conscientiousness off the chart, I seem to have received via osmosis through her umbilical cord an urge to show cultural respect and, in short, be polite and tactful with the people I meet.  I almost, almost said something to a lady at Walmart the other day.  Now I'm not sure if I regret holding my tongue or not.

I had done everything I could think of to be courteous.  It was my coupon spending day, so my husband and I spent almost 2 hours shopping, comparing price tags, evaluating deals and bargains, and selecting about $150 worth of groceries and merchandise.  This is a lot for us, budget-wise and as neither of us really like to shop, and we'd already made multiple stops that day to run other errands.  As we shopped, I passed two other ladies with coupon folders just like mine, all checking out bargains.  I waved and smiled.  It was almost like an unspoken community.  I was riding on cloud nine, spending time with my husband, getting things we'd use and enjoy later, and saving tons of money in the process.

As we shopped, I had already separated out the coupons we were going to use, so I didn't spend 10 minutes leafing through things, and had everything ready to make the purchase as quickly as possible.  Even still, we had a couple dozen coupons in a stack, as well as a few Buy x, Get y free coupons.  Those had to be separated out, and I warned the cashier about them ahead of time, so she'd be able to record how much free stuff was given on the coupon itself, per store policy.

The lady behind us didn't see any of this.  In fact, she didn't even come up behind us until we had our stuff on the conveyor belt, or else we would have let her go through first.  I've been behind people who had price checks and 3 different purchases in one buggy before, I know the drill.  If the stuff is on the conveyor belt, you go ahead.  If it's not, let the person behind you go first.  That way, any people behind that are warned that your purchase will take a while, and they can choose a different register.  Win/Win/Win.  Also, though I did not do this, please warn the person behind you that you are using coupons and it may take a minute, so if they're in a rush, they can go to a different register.  At least they'll know.

So, about halfway through the stack, she starts whispering loudly to her husband/man.  "What's taking so long?"  He replies, "What, you've never seen people use coupons before?  You can save quite a bit of money..."  "Oh, well, they've just got to get their 30 cents off, don't they?  Well I just don't have time to sit all day and cut coupons and..."

This went on for a minute or two, while the cashier faithfully read and scanned coupons.  All the while I was getting redder and redder, and wishing it would all just end, that I could fast forward the process so this lady could go through the line.  Finally, as I signed for the purchase and was about to leave, she announced, "I'm not waiting any longer.  I'll just buy this someplace else.  Waste of my time..."  and left.  All her items, on the conveyor belt, not even ten seconds longer and she would have gotten service.  The poor cashier had to pull all her items off the line, and the cashier next to us looked back aghast, muttering "how rude."

I apologized profusely to the cashier.  She had done her job so well, perfectly.  Then we left, still blushing from the incident.  When I read how much I'd saved (nearly $30, a huge sum on our budget) instead of feeling triumph, I felt a little sick.  Should I have spent less time thinking about saving money and more about being kind to those around me?  Was I as selfish as she seemed to think?  Did I get tunnel vision around material things and forget those around me, or did she?  I wanted to rewind the moment and explain to her that our transaction would take a little while, but that it was worth it to us to save the money.  Heck, with the money I saved, I probably could have bought her entire transaction.

But thinking back on the incident, I'm reminded of a verse I learned as a child about serenity: "as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."  Were her actions embarrassing to me as a Southerner, as an American, and as a member of a very entitled, very wealthy culture?  Oh yes.  But did I do everything I could to live at peace with her and with the cashier, and with those I met?  Maybe, and maybe I could have done more.  I do know next time I go coupon-shopping, I will warn the people behind me about the transaction length.  And perhaps I will also remember to spend less time thinking about myself and more about showing grace no matter the situation.